Where I grew up, people used all manner of sayings to describe how hot the weather was.  “Hot as a two-dollar pistol” was a crowd favorite.  “Hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk” was an equally descriptive yet less savory alternative.  And of course, the most popular one (and its variations), “Hot as all…..” well, you get the picture.

My personal favorite (because I made it up) came to me after walking out of nice air-conditioned buildings and being smacked in the face with a humid, 100-degree blast of air.  It occurred to me that it felt just like “a fat dog breathing on you.”  Thus, a saying was born (at least in my mind).

It can’t be just any dog either.  A Chihuahua breathing on you is a nuisance, but if something like a Great Dane breathes directly on you, you instinctively check for skin damage.  How hot is it?  It’s that hot – just like a fat dog breathing on you!!

And then there’s Lewis.

While not fat per se, well, relatively speaking, Lewis can generate some significant joule factors (Look it up.  I had to.).  When Lewis brings his 140 pounds to bear on you, you won’t get burned, but you could walk away with a nice tan that would cost you $150 a night at a beach motel.

And as always with Lewis, food is the prime mover.  So, if he detects you have ANYTHING edible within his scent range, which is considerable, he magically appears with his football-sized head resting on your knee.  And make no mistake, it’s a slobbery football.  And HOT.  He breathes jungle-level heat while slinging slobber everywhere.  How hot is it?  Yeah, that hot.

But there is one thing about this fire-breathing, ever-hungry, white, eating machine…..you get a close-up view of pure happiness and exuberance.   It reminds me of that old dog treat commercial where the dog races to the kitchen repeating every dog’s mantra, “bacon, bacon, bacon.” With Lewis, you get the full spectrum of joy – eyes focused on you (ok, the food), close contact with the big lug, and then the by-products of slobber and heat.

How hot is it?  Hot as a hot summer day.  It’s hot as all…….Lewis!